Just Ducky, He Cooled Her Off

Last Tuesday afternoon a lively row took place near Lock 38 in this village. Edward Van Allen and his wife keep a grocery at this lock, and W. M. Tubbs, familiarly called “Mort,” is one of the lock tenders. One this particular afternoon Mrs. Van Allen had partaken too freely of the contents of the flowing bowl and like most mortals under similar conditions and incidences was seized with a server attack of loquacity. She sought relief by hurling a flood of profanity and abuse at Locktender Tubbs. “Mort” is one of the most peaceable fellows in the world, in fact he is an officer of the peace, being a constable, but when the intoxicated lady insulted the memory of his dead wife, he became quite angry, as anyone should under the circumstances, and he determined to resent the insult. Had she been a man he would no doubt struck her to the earth, but his sense of honor forbade him striking a woman. She had neither knives nor revolvers with which to defend herself and “Mort” had neither with which to attack her so, a battle with weapons out of the question. But likely just then the constable happened to think how the good old people of the sixteenth century used to tie their scolds to ducking stools and souse them up and down in the water until they felt relieved of their talking fevers. “Mort” determined to follow in the footsteps of these staid old duckers, but he had no stool. His strong arms though helped him out of the trouble, and seizing Mrs. Van Allen, he forced her to the edge of the lock and threw her in and soused her up and down several times until he thought a partial cure at least had been effected. Then with the assistance of another locktender, he dragged her out. She was a trifle more tranquil but resumed the story that she had been repeating for the benefit of Mr. Tubbs.  Her husband stood by during the entire affair but did not interfere. It might be that while his spouse was struggling in the water being ducked, he was singing lowly to himself the poet’s beautiful words slightly twisted:

“Take her, O Erie, old and grey,
Taker her to thy protecting arms,
With all her youth and all of her charms.”

The action of Constable Tubbs was not looked upon with favor by the police officers and he was arrested. The following day he was arraigned, pleaded guilty, and was fined $25 which he paid. It is not definitely known whether he is satisfied with the price the his “ ducking stool” experience cost him, but is quite generally believed that he had to pay all that it was worth.